Facing the Fears

I am tired of having to keep commenting on these calls for protest in response to the passage of Proposition 8. So I'm going to lay it out here and no one's gonna like it:

We dropped the ball.

To clarify that statement, I'm not sure we ever HAD the ball. Rather, we thought we did and it turned out to be in the other team's hands.

Since last Tuesday's election, there have been many protests going on, mainly in California, but throughout the nation. I am now seeing Facebook events calling for a protest on the Mormon Church in NYC.

I understand why. People are angry. They feel betrayed. They thought that in a state as progressive as California, there would be no way this would pass. They assumed that because we were electing the first black president of the United States, that the black voters would vote against discrimination. They assumed people would see past the crazies in the LDS church and vote with their consciences instead of hate propaganda.

That's why we lost.

I want to compare this to two movements. The first is the great movement that the Obama campaign inspired this year. Consider the fact that the Obama campaign took NOTHING for granted, even when it was up double digits in the polls. It relentlessly beat against the Republican machine with its message of hope and unity. And when it started to win those states from the Republicans, it fought HARDER. Compare that to the McCain campaign. The campaign that was full of hateful and deceptive speech, fueling anger amongst its supporters to try and rail them into action. They never had a chance. Why? Because the Obama campaign chose the high road. It chose to talk to PEOPLE. It chose to take the time to dispel myth and rumor and lies with patience and grace. And it never believed that it was infallible. The Obama camp knew it was right. But it still had to convince people. It had to demonstrate itself. It empowered the voters by saying "Here are the facts. Maybe this is best for you, maybe you disagree with it. You decide."

The LDS Church (one of the most prominent proponents of Prop 8) had a mix of both these campaigns. Yes, they used the lies, misleading information, scare tactics, and oh, the children! But it also relentlessly fought the way Barack Obama's campaign did. It never gave up, and when it made inroads, it continued to make more. Just like McCain thought he could win on ideology alone, so did the gay and lesbian community.

The second comparison is between this movement and the Civil Rights movement. When the African Americans engaged in the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s, they did it through nonviolent protest. Sit-ins, boycotts, civil disobedience. And yes, the March on Washington. And it was simply about standing up and being counted as a real valued member of our society. It was about not being mistreated. It was about equality: the equality of being SEEN as no different that a white person.

Our movement has always been about anger. Maybe it's a reflex of repression, since we are able to hide who we are, unlike most other minority groups. Our argument of late has been more about "It's 2008 (or whatever), how can people be so closed minded?" as if we just EXPECT people to change their minds, than it has about trying to HELP them make a well thought, personal opinion on the matter. The movement is so quick to harshy (and wrongly) judge the African American community, as if they should know better. But I ask: How many people went to black churches and tried to make our inroads? I've heard "It doesn't matter, it wouldn't make a difference. People are set in their ways." So instead of confronting these issues head on, we'd rather run out into the streets and scream about how unfair it is. How dare you vote us down when we're not willing to come to you as PEOPLE and tell you we need your HELP.

Organizing the gay community and its supporters to make sure they all vote is not enough to defeat this. If we're going to wait until we naturally have a mind shift and gain enough friends and family to ensure our rights with no outreach effort on our part, it's going to be a day far away from now. We need to win over more people. The "independents" as it would be. Those on the fence. And then we need to win over those just on the other side of the fence. And we need to do that by LISTENING to them. They are on the fence because they have concerns. Let's take the time to address those concerns and show that we are a people of strong moral fiber that are compassionate and share their interests and fears. Let us not show them, once again, that we were angry at them and hate them for failing to see what we refuse to show them. We can reach so many people if we are willing to face our own fears of hearing why they are afraid of us.

Facing the Fears

Protesting vs. Planning: The Reaction to Prop 8

I think what's frustrating about what's going on in California right now is that it's a whole lot of people marching and yelling but there is no agenda. They're expressing their outrage but that's not going to change things. It's too late now... the measure has passed. There is nothing that protesting and marching is going to accomplish besides ring attention to the matter. But what happens when you get attention?? When I read and watch the news, what they are talking about is the gay people in CA that are protesting the passage of Prop 8. That's IT. They're not talking about what the protesters want DONE... because no one's got a plan!! So instead of getting people on their side, all they are doing is marginalizing themselves as the angry gay people in California.

I think that this is a fantastic article about what happened in CA and what to do about it:
“No on 8” – When Reactive Politics Become Losing Politics

Protesting vs. Planning: The Reaction to Prop 8

What to do about the Prop 8 mess.

Here is my opinion on how to handle this Prop 8 disaster.

Introduce a referendum that would eliminate the word "marriage" from the Constitution. Replace all instances of "marriage" with "domestic partnership". This will do one of two things:

1. It will solve the problem outright. Since the fundamental argument about marriage is that it is first a foremost a sacred religious rite, it keeps the term "marriage" in the church, and brings the all-encompassing "domestic partnership" into the socioeconomic and legal understanding of the idea.

2. It will cause the fundamentalists to stand up in outrage and refuse to allow the term "marriage" to be lessened by the term "domestic partnership". In doing so, they will ultimately prove the inherent problem: "domestic partnership" is both separate, AND unequal to "marriage". Therefore, as determined by Brown vs. Board of Ed., all couples must be allowed to marry.

The argument is also thus: If marriage is first and foremost a sacred institution, those who are married in non-religious ceremonies (gay or straight) must also not be allowed to use the term "married," nor be subject to its benefits. Inversely, any gay couple who is married by any minister of faith MUST be required to register as a married couple under the law, as their institution was religious.

Bottom line: Stop screaming at people. It's much more effective to move toward something, make THEM scream, and then follow it up with "Oh but you said..."

What to do about the Prop 8 mess.